Sunday, October 14, 2018

Life's a Sunny Beach

I was sleeping on a sun-warmed rock on my favorite private beach. The only sound was from the waves kissing the shore, when a parrot flew down beside me and said "BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP." I grumbled, "Where did you come from?"
     "Wisconsin. The road crew in front of your house sends their regards. You didn't really think you could escape them in your dreams, did you?"

Saturday, October 13, 2018

Bad Dream

Pennies had become useless so we took them
 into the bank to have them counted and exchanged.
While we were there we ran into my husband's brother,
Tom, who was doing the same thing. It was lunch time
for the bank personnel so there was only one teller on
duty. We were all wearing reading glasses and we
compared the frames and magnification. While Tom
and I were waiting for our coins to be counted, we
noticed my husband was missing. As we searched,
I became increasingly frantic. Tom suggested we
look outside thinking he may have gone back to the car. 
     It had started raining while we were in the bank
and by the time we got outside it was pouring. 
     As we were walking toward the car, a man
wearing new bifocals and a bright yellow Macintosh
with a hood, roller skated drunkenly toward us. There
were huge holes from road construction and he skated
precariously toward one of them. We managed to save
him from falling, but he careened off of us only to be
swallowed up by another. We could hear him crying
at the bottom of the pit. "Dear God help me." It was my
husband's voice. I scrambled down into the hole as quickly
as I could. He yelled, "Don't touch me." 
     Meanwhile, Tom called 911 but refused to carry him out.
     Angrily, I said, "He ain't heavy. He's your brother." 

Thursday, October 11, 2018

Bon Appetit

Cookie, our walking stomach, ate everything she found on the floor. She kept our floors free of crumbs, while replacing the tasty specks with dog hair. One day, she found what looked like a particularly delightful morsel, but spit it out as fast as she licked it up. Practically nothing eats ladybugs.